Blogspot
OMG, I just discovered that 14 years ago, I had a blog on Blogspot
I know it is lazy, but I am going to copy and paste those blogs over here for your reading pleasure. Here is the first one, from 2011. From memory Rhys’ “Account Balance” material was based on me screaming at the bank. He wrote an internationally famous piece of standup, I wrote a blog and promptly forgot about it! This was me in 2011, Mum to a toddler and a 5 year old.
And here it is…
What do you mean you don’t understand me?
As a Kiwi, home of Lord of the Rings, occasional home of the America’s Cup and (hopefully) the 2011 Rugby World Cup, I have a belief that we are the most famous, unique, glorious little country in the world. Our people are intrepid travelers, you can find them working, or backpacking all over the world. We are not quiet and invisible, our citizens have forged ahead and made their mark as some of the most powerful people in the world. We split the damn atom people! Peter Jackson and Flight of the Conchords shone a light on the creativity in NZ for a generation of entertainment! John Key drank beer while Prince William cooked a BBQ at Government house (possible one of my favourite images of our Prime Minister). So why, do people guess my nationality in the following order: British, Australian, Irish or South African. For an uncomfortably long time my hairdresser thought I was from Canada. I can only assume that he assumed Nova Scotia rather than New Zealand.
I understand that not everyone knows that a Kiwi is a flightless bird native to NZ, which is why we human folk from NZ are also referred to as Kiwis. And no, we are not fruit, that is Kiwifruit, and where the hell do you think they came from dickhead? I am sick of carrying a small map of the world in my pocket to point out where New Zealand is. And I am sick of studying where all 196 odd countries in the world are so that I can answer the defensive retort “Well I bet you don’t know where Ghana is” (yes, in fact I do, it is in West Africa).
I have just realised that in googling Ghana to make sure it was in West Africa, that I had never heard of Togo, which is just to the East of Ghana. After a quick skim of wikipedia, I realise why I have not heard of it, as it has not had a terrible famine or civil war to bring it to the world stage. The only other thing of note to a Westerner is that they qualified for the Football World Cup in 2006. I will certainly be keeping an eye our for Togo’s achievements in the future. I now hope I meet a Togonese (?) national so I can flatter them with my knowledge of their qualifying status and their Olympic bronze medal in Downhill Kayaking (which must be the inspiration for Cool Runnings).
Right, its lunchtime. I am off out. Wonder what order I get today. I am yet to get the correct order at Chipotle, and I am sure it is because of my accent, not my APPALLING mastery of the Mexican language of food.
As a Welsh lass, this resonates a lot given the countless times I've had to point out Wales on a map and explain that, no, it's not just another part of England.
It also reminded me of when I worked I the Civil Service in 2010 and a manager had the idea to have a day celebrating the cultural diversity across our office's 2000+ employees. It was a lovely thing, but there were a few faux pas by the staff organising it:
- A colleague from Northern Ireland (who regarded himself as British) was asked if he would like to help rep the Republic of Ireland. He said he would as long as he could wear a balaclava and strap an AK 47 across his chest.
- An Aussie friend of mine was asked if he could take charge on all things New Zealand. When he pointed out he's Aussie, not Kiwi, the response was 'Well, they are practically the same'.
- The manager who conceived the idea wanted to take the lead on repping Wales, though she was English by birth and that didn't go down to well in an office where over half the employees were Welsh. She doubled down on it when she opted to wear a Wales rugby jersey instead of our National Dress as it (our National Dress) 'isn't the best'. Granted, it's very old fashioned but it is an important part of our heritage and our past.
This was a delightful read, Rosie, thank you for sharing. I sometimes have people assume that I’m from Nigeria or South Africa (I’m from Zimbabwe), but I suspect it’s nowhere near how often you have to deal with it. You probably already know now that Cool Runnings is based on the Jamaican bobsled team’s journey to the Calgary 1988 Winter Olympics. I likely only know that because I live in Calgary now 😅