Valentines Day is stupid
Especially in the USA
Every year when Valentines Day rolls around I get irritated. Thankfully so does husband. Honestly, if your relationship needs flowers, chocolate, expensive items you don’t need, then maybe call it quits. If your partner waits till birthday and Valentine’s to make you feel wanted there are deeper issues at play. And if this is performative, that you are putting unrealistic expectations on your partner to show they love you, then maybe look at your self and ask some questions. Why do you need this?
We moved to the US in 2013 (I think), my eldest, Finn was in 3rd grade. When I was told I would need to buy 35 gifts for the other kids in the class, I was like FUCK OFF. I am not giving Nestle and Hershey’s money for chocolates that will likely just get chucked out, and certainly won’t feel like a special gift for the kid. Great, 35 packets of Hershey kisses, who gave you this one Finn? No idea? No. WHAT IS THE POINT. So I started buying stick on tattoos or stickers, and I would drag the leftovers out each year until we were finally free of the ridiculousness of elementary school gifts. The irony of me bitching about adults needing the performative show of gifts, and me just refusing to let my kids go to school without gifts is not lost on me.
I looked at Facebook as it is Valentines Day there in NZ today, all I saw were cute cards kids made at school for Mum or partners giving each other thoughtful pics. I decided I could be a little less bah humbug and make something for Theo so he gets a gift of love from Mum, while staying on track with my refusal to spend money on a pretend fucking holiday.
So I knitted this love heart from scrap wool and stuffed it with more scrap wool. In fitting with all my projects, I thought about the recipient (Theo) as I knitted it, and imbued it with love (I just threw up a little in my mouth, sometimes my US side and my Kiwi side are at odds with each other).
Theo had to take the photo as we established the other day that Mum’s pics are shit. So photo credit Theo Darby.
If I was the person who had cute crafts all over her house (I am) I could knit a few of these and toss them casually in a basket or ceramic bowl (made by my kids).
If you are wondering what to give the people you love in your life today or tomorrow, this is a great option. And Nestle doesn’t get any of the money.
You took the words outta my mouth. I have always loathed Valentine’s Day. When I was young there was no rule about everyone getting cards so the unpopular or weird kids didn’t get cards and were sad. Now it’s all about consumerism & crap people don’t need. People getting hurt if they don’t get stuff. Spending money you don’t have. I’d rather have my husband care and treat me good all year as he does then worry about one day.
Valentine's Day was just another reminder about how cr*p my marriage was for decades. Indifference from husband for most of the year. A card with insincere superlatives on Valentines Day. I choose everything badly, including husbands (two down, never again).
Romance is talking to each other, being interested in each other and what they do and say. Touching a hand, a conspiratorial smile, understanding without words. Caring when the other is hurting (if I got depressed, my husband would just ignore me for a few days). Laughing. Doing the boring chores as you are in this together and sharing all. Being there. Making up, saying sorry, it doesn't dominate. It is kindness. Not an insincere scribble.
It's a shame we can't make things meaningful anymore. Most things boil down to just a money-grab.
Valentine helped lovers who were not allowed to be together. Maybe it would be better to celebrate the day by showing our love and support to those who are in a similar situation now. There are many. Although life has become much better for many in this regard, much better than when I was young, it is still an uphill struggle amd we must continue to support and love and help where we can.
It would be great if Valentine's Day could be about showing love to those who need it, not adding to the coffers of those who don't. The persecuted, thise subjected to hate and violence for just being who they are. Those people need our love (and yes, all year, every day, but why not show it as a solidarity one day a year too)?
Give money to Nestle, who continue to help destroy our Earth? No thanks. That's the opposite of love. Rather show love to humankind by putting that money where it will help save our planet. Save the rainforest rather than let companies carry on cutting our life-giving trees down. Save the bees so the planet can be pollinated and carry on giving us its love. Valentine is also patron saint of bees. Knit a bee. Sponsor a bee. Sponser a tree-planting charity. Send tree and bee cards that support trees and bees! Give a packet of seeds.
I seem to be running on.
I'm very happy to see that some have found true love and work at it to make it true.